1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
I'm really busy with my period
Randomize
