it wasn't lemon gatorade
we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
No I am not eating basil off your cock
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
Randomize
