No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
Randomize
