i don't like sucking hair
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
Randomize
