My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
Randomize
