: south campus drug res life name erik. Love, tran
Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize
