you would pick up someone in the library
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
Randomize
