I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
Randomize
