mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
I know he is still a student. I am not asking if his being an underwear model makes it more ethical, just less prosocutable.
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
Randomize
