wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
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