You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
Randomize
