can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
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