Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
Randomize
