He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
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