You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
splinters make it hard to masturbate
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
Randomize
