At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
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