you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
Randomize
