If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
Randomize
