just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
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