but the lizard people decide everything anyway
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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