i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
Randomize
