i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
I just googled if crying burns calories
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
Randomize
