apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
Randomize
