i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
Randomize
