don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
vagina is talking i cant
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
Randomize
