Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
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