I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
Randomize
