oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
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