Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
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