Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
Randomize
