oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
and eventually we just all took our pants off
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