I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
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