Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
Randomize
