So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
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