Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
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