He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
This show inspires me to have sex in space
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
Randomize
