Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
Randomize
