dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
I'm like, not good at living.
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
Randomize
