Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
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