The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
Randomize
