So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
I have demons in me.
Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
Randomize
