god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Randomize
