I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
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