glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
I think that i just found proof that harry and ginny had sex
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
Also, any YOLOwl-related sex photos will result in you winning ten orgasms, courtesy of myself, as well as sweets and bacon-based dinner. All entrants welcome
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Randomize
