well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
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