I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
Randomize
