in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
Randomize
