I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
he high fived his dick after we had sex
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
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