i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
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