Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
Randomize
