Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
Randomize
