omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
I really don't want to move...I'm having a motivation problem.
kev is about to show us pictures of the tranny he accidentally fucked last night.
I'll be there in 10
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
Randomize
