Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
Randomize
