I heard we made out
maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
Guys are so much hotter at OU. Come my mating season, I am flying south like the geese in the wintertime.
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
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