The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize
