PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
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