Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
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