What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
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