so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
Randomize
