I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
Randomize
