I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
Randomize
