is it true that cum stays in you for 7 years?
that's gum
Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
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