ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
Randomize
