My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
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