how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
Randomize
