It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
I love you.
Bad choice
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
Randomize
