Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
Randomize
