look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
