Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
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