I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
I'm way too hungover for life right now
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Randomize
