the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
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