i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
Randomize
