mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
Randomize