Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize