I am spending my child support on dildos
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
All I want is dick and wine.
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
Randomize
