Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
Randomize
