I used to have a blog that was basically all about ****** and all of his sexual misadventures
I mean it made tucker max look like a fucking alterboy
But unfortunatley his mom did a google search and found it
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
Randomize
