four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
Why are your pants in the freezer?
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
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